May 13, 1963
Dear Life,
Where do we cease to [illegible] when all about confusion abides?
At what point are we [illegible] of decision at what time [illegible] such episodes?
When will we realize times worth, [illegible] worth from out of [illegible]?
Shall we love sense of gentlemen while [two words illegible] tangled ball we tread.
Many a soul [three words illegible] affect of [illegible]; yes
But many a soul –
Whose heart still [illegible]
In youth they [two words illegible] be aging.
Why [illegible] my [illegible] heart, far into distant planes into other people.
Cut quickly the band that ties you here, silently slip away, leave no traces – memory nor thought – to [two words illegible] there & lived.
I can not, for I do not want to.
I linger here from day to day, flocked with warmth [illegible] by law, [illegible] not of [two words illegible] in [illegible] moments; silent repose – for [two words illegible], fork to mouth [two words illegible] again; [illegible] 5 PM [illegible] about. [illegible] to [illegible], meat to boil, and [two words illegible] in place. The soul of [two words illegible] stays then [illegible].
“Come discovery me [illegible] my little place, love, come, come – But [illegible] why if [illegible] to him I [illegible]. I [illegible] heart [illegible], do not betray, I miss you – all day.”
My love’s a legal problem. Support for past enjoyment.
A [two words illegible] flowers wilt [illegible], A [illegible] now be [illegible] – life [illegible] by ------ legal [three words illegible] cannot separate me from him.
A past love calls & time passes. He [illegible] his [illegible] his thought – but to me he does not entrust.
I declare my [illegible thoughts I strip of all shield – Yet – [illegible] has no trust he can not [illegible] me, he can not trust.
We’ve talked. There is a [illegible] of compassion in his gaze; his touch is warmth – a [three words illegible] but [illegible].
From this point [illegible], life, I beseech thee, give me strength to give and keep giving [illegible] all I do is but [illegible] that [illegible] of [illegible] gentlemen [three words illegible] this [two words illegible]. Let me be mature enough to stand straight, not cripple [illegible] forceful weight [illegible] it be in this place [illegible], or apart from him.
Patricia
“Faith hath a fluting heart, hopes many be frail but [illegible], But love shall [illegible] love till death, and perhaps beyond.” The gift – Author Benson
May 13
A man can not seem to understand the [illegible] of a women when [two words illegible] looking at other men!
[illegible] my heart I don’t see them, their forms are [four words illegible], as I look at any other memory [illegible]. Nothing sexual [three words illegible]. If [illegible] are far in future, truly lads – no effect – a mere [illegible] may exist. If they be [three words illegible] it seems to mare they [illegible] through self and [illegible].
Because I love a man, no other seems a [illegible] & thought does not wonder.
I [illegible] the to him - & now [illegible] came when [illegible] for though giving my [illegible] I am [illegible] in [illegible] not an [illegible] of believing.
I could not understand his [illegible] when looking at other females. A [illegible] heart & then I [illegible] “why, even come?”
He said, “I look at them, if their fat, I think their fat, if their nice looking, a pretty face, and or [illegible] figure, I think [two words illegible] it would be to hold [illegible] them. Then I think is the happiness worth all the pain.”
Yes, it hurt me to know he thinks about holding other girls when I’m near. But I wanted to know. Now that I do [two words illegible] it proves.
If the girl walking [illegible] not followed by pain though then I [two words illegible] that I’m not [illegible] of his thoughts.
If one cannot trust, is he trustworthy?
I [illegible] not doubt [two words illegible] with untrue accusations. I explained truth of my actions, actions not harboring nor concealing. Still not believing he continues to [illegible].
When I realized – if he can not trust me when I’m being truthful with him is he [two words illegible] to [two words illegible]? And, is he trustworthy?
When a sad tale of [illegible] covers [two words illegible] – no trust for [illegible] now, not even for me.
He is still [illegible] to [illegible] of [two words illegible];
I feel not a shread of this [illegible] but he [illegible] me am.
I am a cause [illegible] many lovers. I can do only what is [illegible] apt, no more – but, [illegible], let me [illegible] beyond, let me be unceasingly human [illegible] I [illegible] felt – [illegible] help me to help him with [illegible] but [illegible] truth. May be some-day he will trust [two words illegible].
Dr. Carl Duncan and Patricia Whiting Collection (SJSU)
