Dearest Patricia:
It was a joy to have you as a breakfast companion this morning! And thanks for confiding in me, though once again I regret not having been home when you called me for suggestions on the Kathy situation.
The advice of the friend who said, “you live on a different plane from the rest of this crowd. Be above their petty efforts to make you uncomfortable” - is sound advice. As was said, a person of genuine quality, (whether royalty, aristocracy or whatnot) ignores such attitudes. In this those concerned will recognize that they have been in the wrong and mistaken about you. This may mean tough going for a while, but you’ll just hold your head above it and in the long run you’ll win. Anyway, you have a [?] of friends of both sexes to whom you can confide and ask for advice. They’ll provide the understanding reassurance and support you need and, if pushed sufficiently, you can, of course, drop anyone in [?] from your welcome list. And may I always be included in such a “queen’s guard” as I’m suggesting that you have! I’ll do my best always to merit the inclusion. Neva and I had one friend in Palo Alto whose husband was the object of a definite campaign on part of another woman. To take him away from her. But by following the kind of course that your adviser friend (or friends) have given and that I support, our friend won out completely. She depended on a group of us and at one point I was able to play a decisive influence in setting the issue without ever a shred of publicity or any action one little friend would have felt to be beneath her or in poor taste.
Now I have a few positive suggestions for you to react to ad adopt or reject as you see fit.
1. As I suggested recently maintain an attitude of caution with any newly attentive male until you have some basis of appraising his character and “passing him” as you have done with Ron or rejecting him as you’ve done with several others you’ve told me about - no need to name them here.
2. Except with those who have been tried and are trusted, be [?] of invitations to “come in” except in the daytime or early evening when you may expect calls from others whom you know. Here the old dictum of the Stanford Dean of women 50 years ago is sound “In numbers there is strength and protection”.
3. [page 2] If and when you have any reason whatever to be doubtful of some one who is in your apartment, “[?] some message” or matter that you have “forgot” to clear up with one of your trusted friends. Call him on the phone and ask him to come over and bring something - anything you may want - or to come over for something you must discuss with them, and try to dismiss the one of whom you are not sure. Do as you did in the R&K problem - phone me, or phone the others in succession till you get one of them or more. The one dismissed should get the point. If not, you may have to tell him later as you’ve done with others that you can’t give him any more time. You have too many commitments already to accept others. Your active mind and fertile imagination can dream up and keep on reserve quite an assortment of interests for which you may have a “reason” to call a friend or two whenever there is a need.
4. When you return home from an evening out with anyone you aren’t completely sure of, say goodnight and make it complicit and final while you are still outside your door. Or the porch. And face your questionable escort when you do and face outward from your door.
5. When you unlock your door keep your other hand on the screen and enter in such a way that you can put the screen between you and the untried individual.
6. Let the friends - primarily the males - whom you do trust know you are going to depend on them for help as the need arises. They will rise to the challenge, be proud of their protective [?] and though you may never actually have to call on them, they will declare and live up to their declaration of loyalty.
7. Take [?] -- according to you - discretion when you are out with someone new with whom complete trust has not yet been established -- that you do have two or three close friends to whom you do and can confide in case of need or on whom you can call for help and support. I’m sure that you are artful enough to do this and it will be a bulwark of strength for you.
Where another girl concentrates and depends on her “steady”, you will call in your several friends - one or more of them. Most [?] who tend to be careless in their relationships are hesitant to attempt any invasion of “rights” or “territory” that is already established, especially if they get no encouragement from their immediately intended “query” I think this is all for now - but some of it may help and give you ideas to work on.
Goodnight, beautiful!
Love Carl
Dr. Carl Duncan and Patricia Whiting Collection (SJSU)
