My dear dear Patricia:
You never let me leave without wishing me well (“Have a good time now” or “Have a good dinner” etc.) and this I appreciate. Even when you are suffering, as tonight, you always send me off with a thought for my welfare. You are a darling for it.
Tonight though I left with a feeling of hurt for you. it hurts me to see you ill or suffering in any way - and I am angered when there is no excuse for what has happened to you. if it weren’t that it would be embarrassing to you, I would add my bawling out of the pharmacist to whatever Dr. Rumsfeld said. Those people at the 10th Street Pharmacy have been uniformly considerate of me but they have taken on a couple of new employees lately who obviously don’t know much and I’d like to think it was one of those who failed to give you adequate precautions about the medical application you were to use. And yet I know it could have been one of the ones who has been there for a year or more. To “use something sparingly” means to use only a little, but when a drug is destructive to tissue if it spreads there should be a warning that “This stuff is somewhat dangerous! So use as little as possible so there’ll be none of it to spread beyond the point of application.” The customer shouldn’t be left to find this out for himself.
Anyway, I had a hurting feeling all the way until I got to Walkers and had my attention perforce diverted because I couldn’t talk about the problem and gain for you the sympathy that would have been forthcoming.
I did - in a general offhand manner - tell Betty Walker that I had had a discussion recently about burns and I realized that I didn’t know much about them. She confessed to inadequate knowledge herself but in the course of our talking she did say that there should be no scars from third degree burns. They were painful and that was all. She had no idea that I had anyone in mind in discussing burns at all. [Page 2] You doubltess are doing all that you should be doing with your present treatment, but I can do no harm by urging that you make sure the current medicine that you are sitting in reaches every bit of surface that w3as in the least bit burned or irritated. After that I guess it is only a matter of time - the time it takes for your tissues to heal. Then you should be as good as ever - restored to complete normality except for your unpleasant recollections.
You know that I am concerned because you are the most important person on earth to me. I wouldn’t trade all the others I know or have known for you. in saying this, as I think I have explained before, I am not being unfair to Neva or her memory. Her relationship with me was quite different from that between you and me. She was highly gifted, drive by an urge to accomplishment that brooked no opposition and she accomplished remarkable things, but there never was the trust and friendliness between us that there is between you and me. I worked hard to help make the projects go, and she often told me that “without you, I’d be nothing”; and our friends and acquaintances in the Los Lomitas District recognized that she had to have my backing and support to do what she did. But you are superb by yourself alone. I hope that I can become so important to you - but in a different way - as a companion - as an understanding friend, as one who loves you beyond comparison but as one who is more proud of you than words can tell - just because you are you, because you - to me at least - are always sweet and understanding - because we can reason logically together, because we can differ in our attitudes and judgments of things without feeling insecure or feeling that either of us has to remake or change the other. We can state our positions and if the judgment of either of us does lead the other to change somewhat, it is because of the logic of what has been said and of the intelligence with which it has been received. It is never because either [page 3] of us is trying to force the other in any way whatever. So, to me, you are the utmost in inopination that I have ever known and I wouldn’t have it different for the world. Neva was not a reasoner. She didn’t understand logical thinking. She did everything on the bsis of an instinctive genius. That worked wonders in the fields in which she applied it. She could inspire and lead and get the following of persons of all ages but it was because of her innate belief in others - but she couldn’t reason about what she did and would get angry with me if I wanted to do so. Yet there were many things she could have done better or situations that she could have improved and saved herself hurts - but this was where I came in. I had to step in and do where she left off. School officials stood in awe of her because of what she could inspire and get others to accomplish - but when they wanted understanding, they came to me.
So you see Neva and I in a sense were one person together or we created one person, only it was my job to supplement her and do the creating so far as this composite personality was concerned.
But you and I are both individuals, we are companions, we are fellow travelers on the road of understanding. Each of us carries his own load and helps the other. And this makes for a more joyous partnership. I love you very deeply and I hope that in time you will love me as deeply as I do you - but it may be that you do - only you are not so vocal about it. I just know that just seeing you lightens and lifts my spirit as nothing else I have ever known could do. Hearing you speak brngs me a feeling of elation, of joyousness. Your voice is pure music to me.
So you see why you are so important to me - the most important person in all the world to me. I have given a lot of thought to trying to figure out the basis of our compatibilities and understanding - and I think I have done a fair job at this - and before long I’ll write you a statement of my conclusions - about our similarities, etc. [Page 4] but I’ll have to be able to put my thoughts into a little better order than I am yet prepared to do.
But now - is it any wonder that it hurts me to see you ill or in pain? However you must not conceal anything from me to spare me concern. I’m entitled to know what happens to you and what your problems are so that, if possible I can be of some help to you. and so I appreciate your simple directness and frankness in telling me the history of your present trouble. I’m sure it will not last long and that you will recover completely and that no permanent injury has been inflicted. And I hope that my understanding and sympathy will make a little easier the routine you have to go through.
But be sure and let me know if and when I can do anything for you - and what. For tomorrow I propose that I bring in a dinner of some kind - whatever you wish - Chinese or otherwise - or that I cook a dinner here and bring it over. You should not have to bother with any such activity until you get to feeling somewhere near normal.
Well, darling, I’ve poured out a lot of my thoughts and feelings to you tonight - so that you could know just how I feel about you and toward you. And it’s time for us to close, and get this slipped under your door so you can find it and read it early - all at once or piecemeal as you choose.
Goodnight - and I hope that you will be able to rest fairly comfortably and to sleep well. I’ll phone you by midmorning but if you should want to, phone me earlier. Maybe you’d like me to get breakfast for you. I’d be delighted to do so. But I give you carte blanche -
With all my love as always -Carl.
Dr. Carl Duncan and Patricia Whiting Collection (SJSU)
