Please read carefully, when and as you have the time - from bottom of page 2.
Dearest Patricia:
I have just come back from visiting my nephew, Carl Williams and his family. My favorite among my relatives in this area. He and his wife, Arlene, and three children Carol, David and “Tina” (Christina) are the happiest and most sensible of all my young relatives - except Lindy who is on her own now - at Santa Barbara U.C. you would like all of these, I am sure though Lindy is the only one of the lot who has gone to college and understands the view points of college educated persons. She has let it be known that she will never return home to live again as she will not tolerate the general contention that goes on at the Cupertino ranch.
It was good for me to go. I had not seen them in quite a while and I was getting bored and lonesome with too many days here by myself. However, just to hear your voice and to know that in general all is going well with you, was enough to make me feel good and to correct most of my lonesomeness. I didn’t recognize Leon’s voice at first and wondered if I had dialed the wrong number but after he had spoken a couple of words - I knew that I had dialed your number all right and that all was O.K. I’ll be looking forward to a dinner evening with you again and there is a lot to talk about.
The man in Colorado to whom I had written responded with a friendly letter and lots of information but, as I thought, Colorado in the spring will be too cold for us to risk, especially now that we both have had a siege of the flu. I hope your therapy helps a lot and that the flu will not drag on with you as much as it did with me. So take the same good care of yourself that you ways - thoughtfully - tell me to do of myself. I’ll write to the Colorado man now and tell him that, in view or our both having had the flu, it would be unwise for us to risk the Colorado cold - an average of 20’ colder than here - this year.
[page 2] Ed (Dr.) Harrington suggested the A.A.A. to which I belong, as a source of information on other places, so I went out to their office on the alameda and got a sizable booklet that gives all the info. We will need for deciding whether southern California is the place for us and just where. The booklet gives every motel in Calif. (and it is a brand new edition), the population of every place where there is a motel, etc. we should be able to decide readily with so much to go on. They also gave me a new detailed map of the state. However, as you have said, there are plenty of things to do and we shall be able to do something else if we choose. I’m sure that we can fly to some place near any that we might choose in S. Calif. And then rent a car there for the small amount of driving that will be necessary.
Your concern over my driving any distance disturbs me for reasons I shall explain - though I would not think of insisting on driving against your wishes. I am disturbed for several reasons, all of which arise from correctable matters and I am certain that as time passes you will recognize that my analysis is correct and that I will soon have corrected the things that have disturbed you.
Initially, I know that my training in what I have called “delivery boy” driving caused all the roughness that you noticed. And you will recall that I developed smoothness after that and that you recognized the fact. In thinking back however, I have become aware of the fact5 that your first unfavorable reaction, even to my driving “for speed” - with the quick starts and stops - came after you had the accident. This caused pain in your neck and back as was to be expected. Prior to that you had voiced no reaction to my “quick” starts and stops at all. This is no excuse for that type of driving - it just reveals how circumstances alter reactions. A thing in this connection that puzzled me for some time was the fact that I can’t remember being on one of our field schools when someone - nearly always a middle-aged woman teacher hasn’t told me that I was the preferred member of the staff to ride with as I was more considerate of my passengers than anyone else on the staff. Making allowance for some attempt to “butter me up” there still were so many comments of this sort that I found it difficult to reconcile your discomfort and [page 3] sensitivity until it dawned on me that this had come after your accident and was there for to have been expected.
The subsequent period during which I seemed to be too frequently over running interactions or stopping or turning to abruptly, etc. I am sure now was due largely, as I explained the last time I talked to you about it, to my attempts to adjust to and follow your suggestions on driving. I remember one time, years ago, I had the same sort of experiences as a result of trying to adapt to Neva’s suggestions, until we agreed that it was better for me to drive and for her to comment only when it seemed certain that she could give me advance warning of something I possibly might not othwe4rise see. Thereafter she refrained from comments almost entirely with the result that my driving became much smoother.
I take the blame of letting the same thing happen again for I was acting under a completely mistaken notion. I thought that you enjoyed watching my driving and, as I believed once included in a note, though you were doing me a necessary or desirable service in watching traffic and giving me warnings, etc. not until you told me a couple of weeks ago that this wasn’t the cause at all, that “having to watch the traffic” made you tense and tired you out, did I realize that, in looking to your suggestions and trying to follow them, I was putting a burden on you that you didn’t welcome. The whole thing was an illusion. Since then I have had not a single rough moment in my driving of which I am aware. But since then, also, you and I have made only short trips together.
I’m sure that I have at least figured out a correct analysis and that in time you will recognize the truth of this statement. Some illustrations: the last (?) time we went to Paolo’s for dinner, we went directly from the medical clinic. I started to turn right to go around the block as we left the clinic as a right turn is always the one I take. You said we could turn left; that it was closer that way - which was true, but to change to a left turn meant that I had to abruptly brake the car. As I did another car came from the left and I had to wait for it. The result was “rough driving”.
More recently, when we were going east on William I stopped at seventh street for the light change. Twice while we were stopped you asked me, “Carl, don’t you see that red [page 4] light up there?” my response was “yes, that is why we are stopped.” The way you asked the question made it seem as if you thought we still were moving. However, the car had been stopped dead still already for over half the total period for a light change. Because the warning for a change had occurred before we reached the corner and I came to a dead stop as we reached the corner. Then at the next block, asked me “didn’t you (or don’t you) see that boy crossing the street.” My answer was “yes” but I already had slowed for him to the point that he did not have to increase his speed at all to cross well before we got to the crossing lane. To me such incidents reveal that I had got you so tense that you were reacting to your anticipation of what I might do when I had already made the complete adjustment that you wanted me to make before you made any comment at all.
You may react to my explanation by saying that things weren’t as simple as I have presented them - and this I’ll freely admit - but I have not significantly oversimplified the examples I’ve given. Again, I’ll take the whole responsibility for the problems that have arisen, and I’ll not ask you to take any long trips with me. However, by knowing how much though and effort I’ve given the matter, and, as your mind [?] seriously reflects on my statements, I’m certain that gradually you will see that my explanation is correct in all [?]. Then - as time passes, you will observe the changes in my driving that will correct all the problems that have troubled - or hurt you because of your injured neck and back - and eventually you will regain the confidence in my driving that you had when we came from Asilomar back to San Jose two years ago. I’ll do my part and you will become aware of the change.
I’m sorry to have taken so much space over my driving but it has been the only way to let you know how concerned I’ve been. And not until you have regained confidence in my driving will I suggest driving any further than is necessary around town, etc. Then I’ll let you make the suggestions.
If I didn’t hold you in such high esteem, I’d never have spent the time on analysis of what has happened. As always, I wish only the best of everything for you. - Love - Carl.
Dr. Carl Duncan and Patricia Whiting Collection (SJSU)
